Don’t Ban the Bully, Bring It On!
Poor little Johnny is being bullied at school. Isn’t it a shame? We have all been bullied a time or two in our lives and likely benefited from it. The bullies are always going to be there and trying to stop the process is only going to frustrate the parents and do no favors to bully-ee or bully-ette. We are turning our kids into a nation of wimps! Is it any wonder they go off the “deep end” when bullied? They aren’t being taught how to deal with it. Our local “Granny Robber” coddled her son from cradle to adulthood and ultimately ruined their whole family.
Edward J. Neyra in his book, “Cuba Lost and Found” talks about his experience as an 11 year-old boy being placed on a plane with other children (he was one of the lucky ones known as the Peter Pan Children who escaped Cuba before Castro rounded them up for communist education camps). He did not know where he was going or if he would ever see his family again. He tells us that even though he wanted to cry on that flight, he didn’t as he had promised his parents he would not. He did vow however that whatever situation came his way, he would step up and deal with it in a manly way. He grew up fast. He encountered his share of bullies along the way and never backed down. He even got pummeled very badly on one occasion taking on a bully in defense of a younger kid. As he healed he earned respect of his peers and adults. Today he is a very successful business owner and family man. I recommend the book.
My son (now 30) laments over the fact as a soccer coach to young teenagers he often has a difficult time correcting them being so tender they often break down in tears. He was bullied. As a young kid a friend kept poking at him in Gym class. My wife advised him to tell the teacher and if that did not stop it to take the matter into his own hands. Colin simply punched him in the face and they both got ISD’s. When the assistant principle called our home after the incident his mother explained that he did as instructed and good for him. Colin was bullied again by a local police officer when he was a freshman in college (just a few months after his 18th birthday). He was concerned about a head coach he worked with during the summer. My son and his team arrived at the site of a planned event noticing an accident in progress. He inquired of the officer managing the scene only to be told to leave (in a very gruff manner). He should have heeded and left. Instead he chose to tell the officer he was a jerk. He was immediately cuffed and arrested. This episode resulted in attorney fees to a criminal attorney and a few weeks of “new friend-making” doing community service. The most difficult part for my son however was having to call me at midnight that night to tell me he had been arrested.
As a young boy myself we had a neighborhood bully that was a real fighter; he even had boxing training equipment in his basement. I did not take him on nor did my friends in the neighborhood. I saw him brutally beat a couple of kids at school almost putting them in the hospital. I am ashamed to say I did not intervene. I was bullied by a boss for six years while serving my Marriott career at the Salt Lake City Marriott. I was eventually forced out ending a 20+ year career and he was fired shortly thereafter. I will admit it injured my self-esteem for some time after that but I would not trade the experience. It got me to where I am today. When my confidence returned, it returned strong and no one can hurt me like that again (no I am not a fighter).
I have a senior adviser who as a young boy, was put on a ship in Germany to escape Hitler’s rath. Here is the story in his own words: “I was not put in charge of my 5 year old brother (I was 7), although that was the original plan. He developed acute appendicitis days before we were scheduled to leave, so I left without him while he had his appendix removed on the kitchen table of my grandfather’s former medical office because hospitals were not allowed to admit Jews. The doctor who operated on him was not Jewish and did so at the risk of his own life. He would have been shot or at least taken to a concentration camp if he had been found out. My brother joined me in England about 6 – 8 weeks later. At 5 years of age he had the guts to take this trip on his own”. My advisor was one of the lucky ones who was reunited with his parents years later and ultimately became a very successful business owner. To this day I will not make a significant company decision without his counsel.
We are close to finishing a class on Entrepreneurship through the non-profit I am involved in (Christian Ministry Campus, Inc.). Each week we invite a “guest entrepreneur” to share their story with the participants. Adversity is often the spring board causing them to launch their business and become successful. Inc Magazine is full of such stories as well.
I say don’t stop the bullies, bring them on! It builds character.
